The Port Hacking Probus Club Inc.
Joke for the month
The following is an actual question given on University of Arizona chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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A extremely depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the Sydney Harbour.
When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears,
took pity on her, and said: "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to
Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you
happy, and you'll keep me happy.".
The blonde nodded 'yes'. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then
on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they
made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me
to Europe, and in return I'm letting him screw me."
"He certainly is screwing you lady" said the Captain.
"This is the Manly ferry."
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I've just developed a proof that demonstrates that, where n>2, the equation a n +b n =c n cannot be solved with integers.
Unfortunately, my train is coming.
-- Graffiti in subway station
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a pub.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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The Science Behind a Wildlife Biologist's Pay
The "Salary Theorem" states that "Wildlife Biologists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
Now, recall from physics class: Power = Work / Time. Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.
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Mrs Rosenbaume was worried about her son's tendency to cling to her and, on the advice of the Rabbi, she took the boy to be seen by the famous Psychiatrist, Dr Goldberg. After spending some time with the boy, the good doctor called Mrs Rosenbaume in and said "I'm sorry Mrs Rosenbaume but I have to tell you that your boy is suffering from Oedipus Syndrome." Reassured that it was not dangerous, Mrs Rosenbaume said "Oedipus, Schmodipus! What does if matter if he still loves his mother."
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Bob Hawke visited George Bush during the Gulf War and couldn't help but be
impressed by the quality of the White House staff. So he said to Bush,
'George, where do you get all these great staffers?'
Bush replied,
'It is very simple. Every morning I ask a staff member a trick question. Watch
this . . .' Bush then called for Dan Quayle. The VP walked in and Bush said,
'Dan, your mother has a child. It's not your brother, it's not your sister, who
is it?'
Quayle replied,
'That's very simple, George. It's me.'
'Well done, Dan,' said the President, and Hawke was duly impressed.
'I've got to try that out.'
On his return to Canberra, he took his car straight into the office and put the
same question to Paul Keating.
'Paul, your mother has a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
Who is it?'
Keating said,
'Gee, Bob, that's a tough one. I don't know the answer but I'll find out.' So
he ran down to Johnny Button, well known as the brightest man in the
Government, and said,
'John, your mother has a child. It's not your brother, it's not your sister. So
who is it?' Button looked at him, half took off his glasses like he always
does, and said
'Paul, you moron, it's me!'
Keating was delighted.
'Right! I've got it!' He ran back to Hawke and said,
'Bob, my mother has a child. It's not my brother and it's not my sister. But I
know who it is.'
Hawke said, 'Well, who?'
Keating responded, 'John Button!'
Hawke looked at him and said, 'Don't be bloody silly, Paul. It's Dan Quayle!'
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A woman walks into a chemist and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy
some arsenic. He says, "What do you want with arsenic?"
She said "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with
another woman."
The pharmacist says, "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband
lady, even if he is having sex with another woman."
So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband having
sex with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist says "Oh, I didn't realize you
had a prescription"
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This guy from Canada took a holiday to Australia. While touring the outback on
a hot day, he stopped in a pub for a drink. He was wearing a fur coat, heavy
gloves and a wool cap.
Four Aussies sitting nearby couldn't help staring. One guy finally got up
enough nerve to walk over to the man and asked, "Where ya from, mate?"
The Canadian turned to the Aussie and said, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The Aussie returned to his seat. One of his buddies asked, "Well, where's he
from?"
The guy replied, "Ah, the poor bloke don't speak English."
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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting
in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did
not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm
not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to
speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of
the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York
and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain
what to do about her.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He
went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself,
"Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that
finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.
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About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the
Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the
Jewish community. If the Jew won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews
would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man
named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To
make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope
agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in
a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope
pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can
stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He
responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God
common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that
God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that
God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show
that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of
original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get
out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that
this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying
right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved
apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it
is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened
and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the
boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls. The walls
opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
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A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I
died would you get married again?"
The man said, "No dear."
The women said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would."
Then the women asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Yeah, I guess so."
Then the women asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."
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A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are transcribing texts from copies, not from the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the Abbot and asks him about this, pointing out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The Abbot says,"We have been copying from the copies for centuries but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar archives with one of the copies to compare it against the original.
Hours go by and nobody sees him. So one of the monks goes downstairs to check for him. Hearing sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, he finds the Abbot slumped over one of the original books weeping. The monk asks the Abbot what's wrong and in a choked voice comes the reply, "The word....the word...is really 'celebrate' ... ".
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
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This one is for users of old fashioned computers where '%' is the user input and '#' is the prompt from the computer!
Creation
In the beginning there was the computer:
*File Description:*
THE CREATION:
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said. . . .
%Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
%God
#Enter password.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
%Let there be light!
#Unrecognisable command. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
%Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognisable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
%Create dry_land
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
%Run sun_moon_stars
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
%Create fish
#Done
%Create fowl
#Done
%Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
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Matchmaker
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed to bring this up" he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample". The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Only a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman!". The matchmaker, trying to earn his fee, said, "Hešs a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, itšs not such a big deal just a sample". She thought for a moment. Then she said "I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him references". (Submitted by Bruce Hicks)
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US Naval Communication
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
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Bill Gates in Heaven
When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces." "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!" "Well, we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."
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A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears.
Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to NY and on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. They followed the trail of a male and a female bear.
They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident. They killed the female animal and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you. The other ranger responded, "Of course:...............
"the Czech is in the male"
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Subject: The Story of Yahoo. com
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says...
And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have his way with her. And Dot said, "There will be a lot of banging in the land."
And Abraham replied, "It is my most fervent wish that this be so."
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates' drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay", he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"Whoopee!," said Abraham.
"No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com.
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The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one fewer letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f.' This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per cent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v.'
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' or 'u' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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Research in the Centre for European Research of Nuclear material (CERN), Geneva Switzerland, today announced an important breakthrough in research of sub-atomic particles.
Physicists have discovered the heaviest element known to science. It has tentatively been named "administratuim". It has no protons or electrons and the atomic number is nil. What it does have is 1 neutron, 8 assistant neutrons, 10 executive neutrons, 35 vice-neutrons and 256 assistant vice-neutrons. These particles are held together by a force that involves continuous exchange of meason-like particles called morons. Adminstratium is completely inert but can be detected chemically because it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.
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ACCIDENT REPORT
The following is an accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the workers' Compensation Board.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on
the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in
excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to
lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the
building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to
the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down
and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135
lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded
at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third
floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally
impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the
broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by
this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to
the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and
the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the
barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for
the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and
lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to
slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain
unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope. I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down to
me. This explains the two broken legs.
This explains why I cited "poor planning" as the cause of the accident.
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THE WHITE RABBIT
The LAPD, FBI and the CIA were all to prove that they were the best at apprehending criminals. The President decided to give them a test. He released a white rabbit into a forest and each of them had to catch it.
The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all the plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They make no apologies; the rabbit was obviously a communist sympathiser, if not an invading Viet Cong, Nicaraguan, Grenadan, Cuban, Russian, North Korean or Chinese.
The LAPD go in. They come out after just two hours, with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
The Australian PM hears about this and decides to test Australian Law Enforcement Agencies. He releases a white laboratory rabbit into the forest just outside Canberra.
The Victorian Police go in. They return 15 minutes later with a koala, kangaroo
and a tree fern, all shot to pieces. "They looked like dangerous rabbits - we
had to act in self defence" is their
explanation.
The NSW Police goes in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top ranking officers and rabbits dancing naked around a gum tree, stoned out of their brains. F***ing, s**t, F**k up the stupid f**ker, is the only intelligible phrase picked up by the microphone.
The QLD Police goes in. Shortly afterwards, they come out driving a brand new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them. The QLD Premier congratulates them on maintaining traditional family values.
The NCA caught the rabbit but then had to release the bugger on a technicality, but promise if they are given a budget increase they can recover 90 million from the rabbit in unpaid taxes and proceeds of crime.
The NT and WA police join forces and belt the crap out of every rabbit in the forest except the white one. They know it is the dark ones who cause all the trouble.
The SA police utilise the help of a clairvoyant but after these leads give out, they file the "White Rabbit" case in the same drawer as the Beaumont children. They did however drown some suspected homosexual rabbits in the river.
The AFP refuses to go. They examine the issues, particularly cost and decide that because of the low priority and cost to the organisation as a whole, the matter should be rejected and returned to the referring department for investigation.
ASIO go to the wrong forest, deport all the animals without valid visas and arrest several suspicious Arabian horses on charges of conspiracy to foment civil unrest. Several agents, who under the ASIO Act can not be identified, claim stress leave because they could not wear their sunglasses in the dark forest.
Ray Martin, the people's policeman, hears about the trial and sends in Mike "Sluggo" Munro to investigate. Mike finds the rabbit and interviews it. The rabbit expresses the view that it doesn't like the forest, doesn't want or know how to forage for its food like the other rabbits, doesn't want to colour his hair brown to fit in with all the other rabbits, and would like to go back to the laboratory where it understands what is going on. After the story goes to air, the rabbit is lynched by a mob led by John Laws, Alan Jones, and Mike Munro.
The PM is delighted that somebody caught the rabbit and makes Ray Martin permanent Australian of the Year and Special Commissioner for Law and Order, saying the rabbit was "UN-Australian" and he could, as an Australian, understand the community's need to exterminate the rabbit. The PM also unveils a 10 point plan to provide certainty and fairness for all Australians, except white rabbits.
Pauline Hanson says she feels no sympathy for the rabbit because it was an immigrant taking grass away from honest, hard working, mainstream Australian rabbits. Everyone ignores her, so she makes a video with the introductory statement, "Fellow Australians, if you are seeing me now it means I have been murdered by white rabbits". Everyone still thinks she's weird and ignores her.
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